Struggles or blessings? You get to choose.
It’s funny how we humans form our thoughts.
Recently, I was blessed to discuss my own personal growth experiences with the guys on the Decentralized Opportunity Podcast. While speaking about my cancer journey, I made the comment that brain cancer happened for me, not to me.
I remember thinking “It sounds so weird to hear that, but it’s so true.”
In our darkest moments, it’s easy to focus on what is happening to us.
To feel like a victim.
To ask why.
I am completely convinced most of us really don’t want to know the “why” of our circumstances.
“Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you’re stupid and make bad decisions.”
Marion G. Harmon
People who let things happen to them ask why they are experiencing suffering.
People who have tough things happen for them don’t run from the lessons and the growth challenging circumstances provide.
This small shift in mindset can pay huge dividends in life.
But how do we make the shift? I’m glad you asked.
Let’s take a look at some ways to shift your focus during life’s trials.
Be Positive, But Keep it Real
Mentors and gurus rave about the power of positive thinking. Positivity is great. I wouldn’t want to live life without it.
However, you also need to be real about your situation.
It’s OK to feel sad about losing your job, your marriage, your health, or any other issues you’re struggling with. You can be positive about your future potential and realistic about your current situation.
Just don’t wallow in the harsh realities.
Acknowledge the truth.
Process your feelings and fears. Then let them go.
You are moving forward!
Look for the Lessons
We can take lessons from every situation we encounter in life. Here are a few things to consider when you’re in a tough spot.
What was my contribution to this situation?
When asking why you’re experiencing a struggle, it’s important to keep the focus in the right place.
The question “Why does this always happen to me?” is victimhood on full display – you can almost hear the nasal, whiny voice as you read it.
On the other hand, “What are the steps that got me here, and how did I contribute to this situation?” is introspective and looks to glean lessons from the outcome.
Sometimes life knocks us down through no fault of our own. At other times, the weight of years of poor decisions drags us down.
The point isn’t to find out how to blame yourself better; rather, to learn how to correct behaviors and choices that are weighing you down.
How do I move past my current trials?
Maybe life knocked you on your butt through no fault of your own.
Or perhaps you were the architect of your own demise.
Either way, you need to look for new tools, habits, and mindsets to grow through this situation.
The more time you spend mired in victimhood, the less likely you’ll be to find the internal strength to change your circumstances.
Sadly, chaos can easily become your comfort zone.
How do I handle myself in spite of these trials?
Although rare, some situations in your life may never change. If what you are facing is truly beyond your control – such as a terminal illness, for example – you still get to choose how you respond to it.
Choosing our response to our circumstances is really the only choice any of us have in our lives anyway.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Viktor E. Frankl
Practice Gratitude
Gratitude for your trials sounds counterintuitive – why would anyone be thankful for suffering? But, if you can recognize your current struggles as opportunities for growth, you can always find something to be grateful for.
At the moment I’m writing this, I’m wrestling with a very difficult situation involving a family member. I’ve been ruminating on this issue for the last several days, and honestly, I was beginning to feel like it could derail the progress I’ve been making on my own personal growth.
I woke up early this morning, unable to sleep anymore, my thoughts swirling around this problem. After pouring myself a cup of coffee, I sat down to finish this post. When I did, I was greeted with the last thing I wrote yesterday, the headline for this section.
Practice gratitude.
It’s as if God had me write those words knowing I’d need them today.
I am grateful for new growth opportunities, even the painful ones.
Set Goals
If you have the power to change the issue causing pain in your life, you need to be setting goals to change it. Concrete steps toward the changes you want in your life will bear fruit in time.
If you’re powerless to change the trial you are going through, you can still set goals to change how you respond to the situation.
Your response is really the only choice you have in any situation anyway.
If you have grown through a trial in your life, I’d love to hear your story!
Drop me an email here to share your own stories of growth through difficult times.
Blessings on your day,
Jon