Develop the superpower of authenticity to stand out in a world full of phonies

There’s an epidemic threatening humanity.

A trail of broken careers, friendships, and marriages lingers in its wake. What is this threat?

Our fear of vulnerability.

“I let people see the cracks in my life. We can’t be phony. We’ve got to keep it real.”

Charles R. Swindoll

Living life at the shallow end of relationships leads to…(maybe you guessed it?) shallow relationships!

The Connection Between Vulnerability and Authenticity

When we don’t let others see our vulnerability, we deny them the gift of our authenticity.

How often have you seen another person who appeared to be anything but fine asked how they’re doing?

What is the answer?

Some variant of “I’m fine.”

Was the responder lying to the other person or themselves? Maybe both, but they certainly weren’t showing up as their authentic self in the moment.

If you only know a person’s strengths, you don’t know them at all. Our character flaws and weaknesses are part of who we are, and they are part of what makes each of us unique, yet irresistibly human.

Let’s take a look at a few other ways our resistance to vulnerability harms us and those around us.

Hiding Our Vulnerability Hurts Our Health

The mental health crisis in our nation is, in part, a crisis of “I’m good.” How many times do you hear of someone having major issues in their life that seemed to be doing well? Maybe that person was even known for saying “I’m good, thanks.”

Even though many of us are struggling, we remain unable to let people see our weaknesses. It’s uncomfortable. It’s even frowned upon in certain circles.

There’s no reason for that, though.

Vulnerability has been well established as a necessary part of strong relationships and mental health.

Hiding Our Vulnerability Hurts Our Relationships

I’ve had people standing with me in the most painful and difficult moments of my life. I’ve walked with others down the darkest paths.

Vulnerability opens the door to immense depth in relationships through shared experience.

You never forget the friend that walked into hell and brought you back out.

In your darkest hour when your demons come call on me, brother and we will fight them together.

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Hiding Our Vulnerability Hurts Our Careers

Leadership is going first. Leaders who share their own vulnerability create a culture where it is easier for others to do the same.

Have you ever worked for a company where everyone was afraid to make a mistake? It’s not very fun, is it? Cultures like that are never innovative.

They can’t be, because innovation requires vulnerability.

You can’t fail forward if your team is afraid of failure. You’ll never get the best ideas from a team that doesn’t feel like they can be vulnerable with leadership.

Hiding Our Vulnerability Makes Us Less Resilient

Vulnerability is the first step in developing courage, resilience, and other meaningful traits. When we are vulnerable with those around us, relational bonds are strengthened.

Our struggles and flaws become part of the shared human experience.

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.”

Brenee Brown

Now, Go Forth and Be Vulnerable

No list of techniques, no “one weird trick.” Go out and try it. When you have the chance, let people see a few of the cracks in the armor you’ve been carrying around.

See how it goes.

I promise you, it will make your relationships deeper and more genuine.