To trust yourself, you must be trustworthy
It’s a little embarrassing, really.
Even though I’ve committed to publishing at least one blog post per week, this is my first post in a month.
While I could make excuses – I’d probably call them reasons – why I haven’t published in 4 weeks, I won’t. Excusing inaction benefits no one.
There is a linkage between broken promises and believing in yourself.
The single biggest relationship killer in our society is a lack of integrity. Words that don’t line up with actions. People who don’t do what they say they would.
The cheating spouse.
The friend who doesn’t show up when you’ve rearranged your schedule to spend time with them.
The coworker who refuses to pull their weight.
These people teach us the paltry value of words. If you want to see who you can trust, you only need to look at people’s actions. What they said they would do is irrelevant in light of what they actually did.
If they fail to keep their word, they lose our confidence and we begin to distrust them.
We lose trust in ourselves in much the same way.
When I missed my first post three weeks ago, I told myself it wasn’t a big deal. It was only one post.
But, you know what happened? It became easier to justify missing the next post. And the next. One missed post quickly turned into three.
Each time we skip out on a commitment, it becomes more difficult to take action. We begin to tell ourselves a different narrative about who we really are.
All this year, I’ve considered myself a writer.
Wanna know why?
Because I write. Every single week.
At least, I did.
After missing the first blog post, I dropped into a funk when it came to writing. I kept telling myself I’d get back to it.
All the while, though, I kept hearing this nagging little voice from some dark corner of my soul, telling me all sorts of negative things.
“You’re not cut out for this.”
“See, you’ve run out of good ideas for posts.”
“Honestly, you’re not a good writer, and certainly not an expert on anything.”
“Who do you think you are, that anyone would listen to you?”
It’s amazing how quickly this voice moved me from “I missed a week” to “Maybe this writing thing really isn’t for me.”
In his masterpiece, The War of Art, Stephen Pressfield calls the whiny little smack-talking voice Resistance. Its job is to keep us stagnant, preventing our growth.
When you don’t take the actions you’ve committed to, you hand the voice of Resistance a megaphone. Given enough time, Resistance will kill your dreams, burying them under a mountain of regrets and negativity.
How Do I Right the Ship?
Maybe you’ve been drifting for a short while, only recently failing to show up the way you committed to. Or, perhaps you’ve been drifting for a very long time.
Either way, I have good news. You can change course today. Here are some small steps to regain your self-confidence and move you off-center:
Acknowledge your lack of integrity
It’s worth having a conversation with those who have felt the effects of your recent inaction. If we have hurt others through our inaction, we may be more likely to apologize to them. This helps repair the relationships with them, but what about the relationship you have with yourself?
It sounds a bit hokey, but an honest conversation with yourself can make a huge difference in your commitment to change.
Plan your changes
Whether you’re starting a new habit or recommitting to one you’ve quit doing, it’s vital that you do everything you can to set yourself up for success.
It’s also important not to overpromise. Make your promises small enough to keep and then build from there.
My writing pause caused me to lose momentum, both in my writing and in my work building an audience. As I begin to write again, I’m committing to 20 minutes of writing, 5 days a week.
When I have my writing habit locked in again I’ll add other blogging tasks to my daily habits.
Do what you said you would do
You’ve got your plan. You’ve made your commitments. The next piece is the simplest and the most difficult.
Just freaking do it!
That’s it. Show up every day. Do what you said you would. Keep your word to yourself.
Celebrate the process – not just the wins
Goals aren’t accomplished overnight.
Destinations aren’t reached in a single step.
Why is it we humans only think we can celebrate when we reach the goal?
If you want to stay motivated and disciplined, you should celebrate every single step.
Not the last step.
Not only the big steps.
Every single one.
Right now, I’m questioning the quality of this post. I feel like this is far from my best writing. It would be easy for me to trash this whole post with the click of one simple delete button.
Resistance is unyielding.
Here’s the thing though, I showed up. I’m writing today. I’m keeping my word.
Maybe I could do better. In fact, I’m quite certain this isn’t my best work.
But, I’m still telling myself how proud I am that I kept my word. It’s not important to show up packing perfection. It’s important to show up consistently.
Celebrate each step, regardless of how small or shaky, towards your goal. Celebrate the process and praise yourself as you honor your commitments.
This is how you build confidence and begin believing in yourself again.
Did You Enjoy the Read?
Whether you liked what you read here or have opposing viewpoints, I’d love to continue the conversation. Drop me an email here and we can continue the conversation.
Jon