Ways (other than violence) to handle unsolicited advice
We all love to solve problems. Who doesn’t love to come up with the perfect solution to an issue?
Some of us believe we are especially gifted at identifying the solutions to other people’s problems. Heck, I used to do it a lot. For the longest time, I assumed if someone was telling me about their problems that it meant they thought my sage wisdom would solve them. I was quick to offer solutions in the form of advice. I know now that many times it fell on deaf ears.
Nowadays, I’m much more inclined to lend an ear and let them vent than to offer up a solution. While I no longer offer unsolicited advice, I seem to receive my fair share of it.
Heck, just the other night, I had someone very close to me throw my words from one of my recent blog posts back at me. Ouch. It was like giving myself unsolicited advice, which I had never considered possible. If I had, I probably would have been more careful with my words…
Sometimes we need someone to sympathize with our plight. To support us through the difficulty of the present moment. To step into our pain and sit with us in the darkness, even though they may know the way to the light.
Jason Headley’s YouTube video does such a good job of capturing that need while at the same time letting us see the humor and frustration of these situations.
Whatever your own personal nail is, there are some ways that you can handle the would-be nail pullers in your own life.
Strategies For Dealing with Unsolicited Advice
If you find yourself on the receiving end of unsolicited advice, these steps will help you handle it with grace.
Assume they have your best interest at heart
Unless they are being malicious, the unwanted advisor is most likely coming from a place of concern for you. Their wisdom may be neither sage nor desired, but if you can acknowledge that they are speaking to you from a place of care and concern, it will aid you in responding graciously to them.
Tell them what you need
If you really have no desire to hear their advice, you may stop them and tell them so. If you just need someone to hear you out, you have every right to tell them you just need to vent. Tell them what you need in the moment. You have the right to set the standards for the behavior of the people who get your time.
Consider whether they are correct
Whatever solution they are offering, consider it carefully. Be open to the possibility that they may be right. You should at least consider what they have to say.
One caveat here – don’t take advice from someone who isn’t successful in the area in which they are advising you. If your Uncle is telling you how to run your business but hasn’t ever ran a successful business, he is not a good advisor.
Nor is your friend with two failed marriages a good relationship coach. These people may provide value in the lessons learned from their failures, but you want to hear how to be successful from someone who has actually been successful.
Use them as a sounding board
If you’re open to the discussion, but not sure about the specific ideas they are giving you, you may want to bounce other ideas off of them. “That’s a great thought, but what do you think about this instead?” An additional perspective may make your ideas stronger.
The (mostly) conflict-free route
I like this one the least, as I prefer to be honest as a rule. But, sometimes people can be overly persistent. Occasionally, the best approach is to listen, nod, and smile. Thank them for their input, and go your own way forgetting everything they said.
If you do implement this one, you’ll need to assess whether they are likely to bring it up later and ask how it worked out.
That’s it. My tips for handling unsolicited advice. I’d love to hear your thoughts, and any additional ideas you may have.
Drop me an email here and let’s chat!